Chorva Ek!

Yesterday, I went to school with a hanky and returned home with three.

Care to take a guess why?

If you are my classmate in Pharma, I’m sure you know why unless absent ka nun (si Jo lang ata wala nun).

According to Marmie, it’ll probably be one of the highlights of our second year.

For the first time, everyone in class saw me cry.

This is what happened…

I was assigned to report on Acute/Chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis. Title pa lang, confused na ko. Why? According to my research, RA is a chronic disease. I tried searching the net with anything related to this acute RA, bigo ako. Almost every site I visit, chronic.. chronic.. chronic..

Let’s flashback a little.. During the Med Night (which is a Friday), I saw my adviser/professor who will be presiding when I report. I was thinking that I’ll approach him and ask about it but he seems busy so I thought I’ll do it later. E kaso, after the dinner, I couldn’t find him. Too bad..

Sunday night - I searched the net again. I found a website, browsed on it and when I saw that there is a discussion on the treatment/drugs for RA, I decided that it’s "perfect" and I’ll just get my report from there.

Tuesday night - I visited the site again and read it. I thought it was relatively easy to understand (layman kasi), e di maganda! I printed a copy of the article so I can go through it while at school the following day. I also checked out our book to see if there’s anything I might be missing. Parang wala naman, what I got from the website is almost the same as that in the book. When it was almost 12, I felt sleepy so I went to bed. I had late nights the past week so I thought Whatdaheck? I’ll just finish everything tomorrow.

Wednesday - Lunchbreak pa lang, I wanted to go home so I can deal with my report and finish it. But there has been chismis going around that we’ll be having a quiz so I stayed. When the professor came, he just told us to answer some questions and it’ll be discussed later when he returns. He has to go to the promo board. When he came back, we just had a little chika-chika and he said that we’ll just pass it next week. Badtrip! Sana umabsent na lang ako..

Later that night after eating dinner, I started doing my report. My plan was to do the paper first, and when I’m done, I’ll start with the presentation. While doing the paper, I was getting dizzy so I decided to take a nap. My sister will be staying up late so I asked her to wake me at around 12. I didn’t get up when she first tried to wake me. I slept a little longer. The third time she came into my room, it was 2 in the morning so I got up, washed my face with cold water, and went back to doing my report. I was having a hard time, I didn’t know if I’ll include all of the NSAIDs. There was just too many. I decided wag na lang since we’ll be discussing it during the lecture. I just focused on the other drugs (the DMARDs). I really had no clue what the drug of choice is so I just included everything in my research and incorporated some information from the book. It was 6 in the morning when I finished. I lend my flashdrive to Bambi so I had to send my report via e-mail to Marmie. She’ll just bring the copy of my report to school.

Thursday - Since I was finished with the report and I still have time to prepare for school, I didn’t absent myself from Surgery eventhough I felt tired and sleepy. During the lunchbreak, I browsed through Lalaine’s book since the book I have is an old edition. There were a few changes but I thought that it’s not that much. I’ll just listen to the lecture cause I might get something from our professor that I don’t have in my report. I asked Alex to bring his laptop for my presentation, he also printed out my paper. While waiting for our professor, I reviewed my report a little and while going through the powerpoint, I wrote some notes so I wouldn’t have to go through my paper while reporting. Bambi said I shouldn’t worry since he is my adviser, he would probably go easy on me. But I couldn’t help getting all nervous and clammy. I really hate reporting. Why oh why did I ever get back to school??

Heto na! Heto na! Waaaah! Our professor came, he lectured first, gave us a little break, gave us a quiz and then told me to do the damn report. So there I was, in front of the class, trembling and almost ready to shit. The first slide I projected wrote "Rheumatoid Arthritis". He asked, "Is that acute or chronic?" Since I didn’t find anything on acute RA, I answered "Chronic." I still couldn’t believe there’s acute RA, all I know is that it’s a long-standing disease making it chronic. He’s probably talking about the acute phase of the disease when the disease is active or probably during flares. Ewan! Ewan ko sa kanya..

Next slide, there’s a picture of a joint, kunwari summary of the pathophysiology of the disease. He praised the picture, maganda daw. So I was feeling a little less nervous. Another slide, symptoms. Then another, and another then the slide for diagnostics. "Ano yung pinakaimportante dyan in the detection of RA?", he asked. The first answer I gave was the synovial fluid analysis. "Ano’ng meron dun?", another question. I couldn’t remember what my answer was to the follow-up question. Then he asked which among the tests is specific for RA, I answered "..rheumatoid factor.." "Correct!", he said.

Heto na! Heto na! Waaaah! First slide about the drugs, he bombarded me with questions and maaanghang na comments.. what’s the MOA? what enzyme does it inhibit? what NSAID drug is that? you already have the side effects yet you don’t have the name of the drug. what are the examples of those NSAIDs? why is corticosteroids there? non-steroidal nga di ba? ay mali yan. Blah! Blah! Blah! I’M IN DEEP SHIT.

Next, the DMARDs.. what’s the MOA?(part2)  what does the methotrexate inhibit? the.. what?? why is sulfasalazine there? it’s for colitis right? can you use it for RA? ay ano ba yan? mali lahat.. mali.. mali.. gold lang ang tama.. naku ms. mortel, bababa ang grade mo. Yada! Yada! Yada! GODDAMMIT!

Here are his additional questions and comments.. what happens to the column in prosorba so you will know that it’s effective? you wrote it there, you should know. antibiotic? minocycline? when do you use antibiotic in RA? and it’s not minocycline. what type of surgery? kailangan mo ulitin yan, mali-mali. very unsatisfactory. SO MUCH FOR HIM TO PROBABLY GO EASY ON ME..

During the presentation, I couldn’t answer most of his questions, they just won’t register inside my head. When he was asking me all these questions, I looked around, everybody is mummed. I had a glance at Ray, and I could see pity in his eyes.

Reading between the lines of our professor’s comments on my report, I can hear him say, "Are you stupid? Didn’t you study for this?" I was close to tears, I was just trying really hard to hold them back. My voice is failing me, I can hear myself cracking.

He said right away that everything was wrong, how else can I defend my report? I couldn’t tell him that he mentioned that fucked up sulfasalazine used for colitis in the DMARDs during his lecture. I couldn’t tell him that the drugs I mentioned can be used for RA eventhough they’re primary purpose is for the treatment of another disease (like chloroquine that’s used for malaria, methotrexate for cancer, and that damn sulfasalazine for colitis). I couldn’t tell him that the content of my report is almost the same as that in the book (except for the minocycline).  I couldn’t defend myself cause I know that if I did, I’m surely going to cry in front of the class. So I just bit my tongue and hoped that the questions would just end or maybe the floor would just crack open and swallow me. I was mortified!

After the last slide, I was still standing. I didn’t know whether to run outside or to just sink in one of the seats in front of me. I was thankful that somebody texted me, it diverted my attention from all that’s happening. So I stood there, my head bowed down with the phone in my hand trying to read the message.

Archie closed the window of my presentation, so the wallpaper with Mitch’s picture popped out. It took the attention away from me. Thank God! So I sat in a chair still with my head down. I wasn’t sure if I can still fight back the tears but when Archie handed me his hanky, I started crying. He asked the doctor if he’d like to see more pictures. He said, “Sige, yun na lang i-flash nyo dyan. Dismayado ako.” I kept crying and busied myself by reading text messages from Marms and Bam and exchanging text messages with my friend while everyone else is busy viewing and laughing at the photos. I couldn’t stop crying. I cried and cried that I could feel sipon bubbles forming inside my nose. I didn’t care, I just wanted to cry so bad and let it all out.

When the class was finally over, I had stopped crying and was just wiping the tears away. Ray was the first classmate to approach me, he told me, “Okay lang yan.” I couldn’t help but cry again. He said that I should stop crying kasi I’m gonna make him cry too. I told him, “Ano ka ba?” and when I looked at him, his eyes are kind of getting wet. I didn’t know that that guy is iyakin. Hihi.

Then Lois called my name and when I looked at her, she impersonated booking. I had to laugh at her. That girl is funny. Then most of my classmates approached me, trying to comfort me. I wouldn’t mention their names kasi baka kung sino pa makabasa nito. They jokingly said, “Ano? Itutulak na ba naten sa hagdan? Abangan na naten o? Dala tayo ng daga next week, allergic yan di ba?”

Lilah kissed me on the cheek, I think Mavic did too. When we were about to leave the classroom, I couldn’t get my bag because it’s close to the doctor. Anna handed it to me and even looked for the book she lend me.

At ang pinakamalupet, ewan ko ba! Of all the days, why did it have to be that day that many of my classmates brought their cameras? Marmie, Bam, Alex, Arlene, idagdag pa yung camera sa phone ni Mitch! Kamusta naman yun?! They were like The Paparazzi, taking pictures of me while I cried inside the classroom.

I guess it wasn’t enough for them kasi when we got out, they were still taking pictures of me at the corridor. Phenomenal ito! I was joking with them and told them, “No pictures.. no pictures..” Artista?? Haha!

Archie asked for his hanky because he said it has his sipon. He said he forgot about the sipon and just offered me his hanky. Hehe. Halo-halong sipon na yun. I just told him that I’ll wash it first before I return it. Then Anna handed me her hanky, she said, “O, gamitin mo na to..” So ayun, I went home with three hankies.

Nakakatuwa kasi my classmates showed their concern. Yung pagpapatawa nila, their comforting me, and sympathizing with me made me feel better. Tangina, ang swerte ko talaga sa inyong lahat! Now I know, you guys are one of the reasons why I graduated late, para kayo classmates ko sa Med. I’m happy na kayo ang ka-batch ko. Tangina talaga, sobrang mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat! Salamat! Sobrang salalamat! Mwah!